Three blondes are walking through the forest. They come upon some tracks.
The first blonde says, "They're deer tracks."
The second blonde says, "They're bear tracks."
The third blonde says, "They're moose tracks."
Then a train hits them.
And one extraterrestrial one:
Q. Why do aliens make crop circles?
A. Because they are corny.
Q. Where do dumb aliens go?
A. Area 52.
Q. How are men like UFOs?
A. You don't know where they come from, what their mission is, or what time they're going to take off.
Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.
A TRUE CHRISTMAS STORY!
When 4 of Santa's elves got sick, the replacements did not produce toys as fast as the regulars, and Santa began to feel Pre-Christmas pressure.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found 3 of them were about to give birth and 2 others had jumped the fence and were gone, which stressed him even more.
Then Mrs. Claus announced her Mother was coming to visit!
And then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum, but when he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he dropped the cider jug and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen, and when he went to get the broom, he found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end.
Just then, the doorbell rang and an irritated Santa yanked the door open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa, isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Hahahahaha,nice ;D
(Hé wait i'm laughin' alone ???)
A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation. They end an
Englishman, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island and arrange to
come back and pick them up in a year's time and see how they have adapted. The
sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst
themselves.
"I'm an engineer" says the Englishman, "So I'll handle building a shelter".
He turns to the Frenchman and says: "You French are pretty good cooks why don't
you handle the cooking?"
The Frenchman agrees, and the Englishman turns to the Japanese "That leaves you
to organise the supplies" he says. The Japanese man agrees and each man sets
about his tasks.
A year passes, and the sociologists return to see how the men have coped. They
expect to find three desperate men, unhappy with having to live on the island,
but instead find a huge wooden house with verandas and porches and balconies.
The Englishman comes to greet them, and when they express their surprise about
the house he just shrugs and says "Yeah well I had a lot of raw materials so I
kind of went to town and did the place up". The team are amazed and are shown
inside to the kitchen where they're greeted with the most amazing smell of
delicious food. The Frenchman sees their surprise and just shrugs "I had lots
to work with" he says,"This island has loads of edible herbs and plants."
The team sits down to eat and are about to start when one of them inquires
about the Japanese man. "Oh we don't know what happened to him" explains the
Englishman, he ran off into the woods to sort out the supplies and hasn't been
seen since".
They all agree that they should try to find the man, and a search party is
organised. They make it about 100 yards into the woods, when the Japanese man
jumps out from behind a tree, stark naked with half a coconut on his head, and
peacock feathers sticking out of his backside, and shouts:
- supplies!!!
Why do blondes whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
It helps them remember which end to wipe
Some hilarious moments for sure ;D
Duke Nukem 3D - Just for fun (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdHl1keILm0&feature=related)
I think minute 3:00 was fake, but try it your self. I didn't know that was possible!!!
Also, have you tried to kill enemies with commanders aiming at you it is a lot of fun.
Yeah, I can't remember how to do that part properly, you can barge through mask-walls like that too, not to mention a whole lot of other crap you can do... I can stick a video together pointing some exploits out if you'd like.
Anyway, I found this funny, one of the only stand up commedy guys I can tolerate, Pable Francisco talks about the Movie Preview Guy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvv8SMTyAgk
Quote from: MikeNorvak on 13 May 2012, 18:23:52I think minute 3:00 was fake, but try it your self. I didn't know that was possible!!!
There was actually a map even built around exploiting glitches and stuff like this. Original 3DR thread (http://forums.3drealms.com/vb/showthread.php?t=24315).
Quote from: Puritan on 13 May 2012, 15:04:08
Some hilarious moments for sure ;D
Duke Nukem 3D - Just for fun (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdHl1keILm0&feature=related)
Hey, that's my 6 year old video! I remember asking the peps over at the 3D Realms forums (original thread: http://forums.3drealms.com/vb/showthread.php?t=23365 ) for any unusual stuff found in the game.
QuoteI think minute 3:00 was fake, but try it your self. I didn't know that was possible!!!
Don't remember the exact moves you had to do in order to get it to work but it involved more or less approaching a small narrow hole while simultaneously jumping and then quickly crouching while pressing the forward key. I don't if they've fixed it in the newer versions of EDuke32 since I haven't been able to reproduce it... actually, I think I'm just growing old and senile.
I just tried it after watching the video, and it does work.
Quote from: Loke on 14 May 2012, 03:30:31
Quote from: Puritan on 13 May 2012, 15:04:08
Some hilarious moments for sure ;D
Duke Nukem 3D - Just for fun (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdHl1keILm0&feature=related)
Hey, that's my 6 year old video! I remember asking the peps over at the 3D Realms forums (original thread: http://forums.3drealms.com/vb/showthread.php?t=23365 ) for any unusual stuff found in the game.
Are you Forsete?
Quote from: Micky C on 14 May 2012, 11:26:04
Are you Forsete?
My brother and I used to share it years ago though nowadays he's gotten his own account so yeah, now it's only used by me.
Oh my god ;D
I wonder if this is a good presentation of yourself while internet-dating ??
Harry the hamster (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7QFZCz2TLY)
I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, social security, retirement funds, etc. I called a suicide hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
Man, I'm cracking up ;D
Anti-pervert hairy stockings (http://dangerousminds.net/comments/anti_pervert_hairy_stockings_for_girls_in_summertime)
After a 30 years hiatus Monthy Pyton is to be reunited on stage ;D
An official statement is scheduled for thursday 21.November, said Terry Jones to BBC.
Meh, I was never a huge fan of their stuff.
I never liked the tv show but the movies are good. Moreover, Fawlty Towers is awesome even though not strictly speaking a Monty Python production.
most of the "real" Monty Python movies that are more than just clips from shows spliced together are worth watching. though the comedy is dry, a good bit of it has aged well.
several post flying circus solo projects are good too: yellow beard, a fish called wanda, time bandits
(http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww23/EvilEmpryss/Norway_by_Vestviken.jpg)
(http://lolpics.se/pics/19384.png)
Hey.....nobody said it would be easy .....
......since the left of Africa......it's been a long walk ;D
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3dg6moZcr1rqf3oso1_500.jpg)
(http://media.rob.nu/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/939748064_5_yjNY.jpeg)
(http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/funny-dutch-shoe-think-sink-is-clogged-pun-joke-pics.jpg)
(http://img2.joyreactor.com/pics/post/demotivation-posters-auto-holland-283552.jpeg)
(http://global3.memecdn.com/meanwhile-in-mexico_o_189929.jpg)
(http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSdDG8HlOE5xnIcUEbTo7G5sIFodDS-0R4de64rDzYBrzvFN8vIUg)
(http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-Mexico-war-silver-medal-sign.jpg)
(http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Gta_a97c93_224374.jpg)
Quote from: Forge on 21 November 2013, 16:48:43
most of the "real" Monty Python movies that are more than just clips from shows spliced together are worth watching. though the comedy is dry, a good bit of it has aged well.
several post flying circus solo projects are good too: yellow beard, a fish called wanda, time bandits
Monty Python and the holy grail is still one of my favorite comedies (my character in the amc tc also has many references to that movie). Some of their scetches are also absolutely hilarious.
Quote from: Forge on 30 November 2013, 18:07:58
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3dg6moZcr1rqf3oso1_500.jpg)
As if Americans had any idea where exactly (or even roughly) each South American country was situated.
(http://assets.meanwhilein.org/hashed_silo_content/263/9fc/bbe/resized/sweden7.jpg)
(http://memekingdom.com/static/content/bf66e424c36027f9636acff46d490980.jpg)
Ten thousand Swedes ran through the Weeds
Chased by One Norwegian
Ten thousand more run to the shore
In the battle of Copenhagen
Way, way back in history
Back when the world was new
Norwegians searched all over
To find some snoose to chew
They fished for Lutefish and Torsk
It helped to make them strong
And you and me, we know a Norsk
Cannot do nothing wrong
But Swedes and Danes were anxious
Of Viking trips and raids
The Viking shield and helmet horns
Made all those folks afraid
Throughout the world the Vikings sailed
To Ireland and France
They even found America
One afternoon by chance
My Grandpa says, and he should know,
The Swedes made up their minds
To beat the Norsky Vikings
And kick a few "behind"
But history, so my grandpa says,
Shows that the Norskies won
They clobbered all the Swedes and Danes
And made it lots of fun
The Thousand Swedes run through the Weeds
Chased by One Norwegian
The dust from the weeds made snoose for the Swedes
And they called it Copenhagen
leave it to the Finns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9RQlikX4vvw
Seems that Jesus got thousands of rivals in the US ;D
reuters (http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/12/17/us-usa-health-virgins-idUSBRE9BG1F020131217)
Never underestimate the viking genes ;D
Marines try to mess with Norwegian kids (http://atchuup.com/marines-messing-with-kids/)
I wasn't sure where to post this...
It could as well has been in the "What are you listening to thread".
Lita Ford & Ozzy Osbourne in a duett, except from the fact that Ozzy is a Norwegian comedian ;D
Lita & "Ozzy" - Close my eyes forever (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO3y4WNJE5I)
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/18552886/1338759189660/060712-cake.jpg)
...and in your cake batter
I'm not sure I want to know how the cat became a drive by shooting victim in this incident.
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/18552893/1338759230060/060712-dent.jpg)
truly a wizard of great reckoning to create such a impressive dent. I'd call them if I needed something banged up.
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/18685487/1339382149197/061512-dressed.jpg)
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/18683802/1339374560523/061312-pie.jpg)
great, but can you smoke it?
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/18807125/1339977193580/062112-insertbaby.jpg)
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/18924648/1340576984427/062612-gun.jpg)
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/19435615/1342303914810/071712-funeral.jpg)
Yeah. You try that and it'll be your own funeral you're arranging
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/19544851/1342992588187/072512-catmilk.jpg)
...well I feel lied to after all these years
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/19705657/1343966786060/081012-cake.jpg)
...mmm, chocolate
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/20286776/1347745273053/092112-buttsex.jpg)
Thank goodness. I didn't want to have to sit through an hour and a half of rehashed gimmicks.
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/20458685/1348952813587/100112-fartcard.jpg)
The temptation to print this out and give it to my wife for the reaction is overwhelming. Unfortunately she knows where I sleep.
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/20619516/1350164161827/101612-supermom.jpg)
'Merika! Fuck Yeah!
(http://images.akamai.steamusercontent.com/ugc/794063002703158539/297F1F7D2E5CD99625C72B8DB221EE74217E0D3E/) I bring you the leaning tower of P...
ipe Bombs
From the Arkansas state library
(http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/733107/20700803/1350834342693/102612-sexydaddy.jpg)
Makes sense as the South is full of inbred degenerates.
Man, I'm in tears ;D
This vid is for those who know Half-Life 2.
A fan made parody it is.
See for ya self (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-e8YLKDprCg)
What cat?
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
Because he was outstanding in his field. :P
The idiots of Duke Nukem (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV3zPBS8SvE)
Men at work....
Priceless... ;D
https://www.boredpanda.com/worst-hotel-guest-seagull-fairmont-empress-nick-burchill/
(https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/creepy-facts-that-will-chill-you-to-the-bone-22-photos-64.jpg?quality=85&strip=info&w=600)
That's good!